I was born.  Yes, this is correct!  There can be no other explanation for my existence.  I was not hatched like an alien or anything – at least as far as you know.  I came to this planet – I mean, I was born on this planet – a long time ago and your customs and protocols are now familiar to me.  I fit in seamlessly, unlike that pathetic robot chick on “The Sara Conner Chronicles”. 

My name is Marc.  I chose this name because Mork was taken.  I like to play music because it stirs my primal emotions.  You humans are so easy to entertain.  I strum my guitar and you females melt upon hearing my beautiful chords.  Mathematically correct tones played in perfect thirds somehow become more stirring due to my superior intellect.   If you are a hotty, I may strum my chords for you.

Please do not be alarmed by my stellar intelligence.  Nobody’s per per per (electronic glitch) perfect.  After all, my grammer sucks.  So do my spelling.  Ha Ha!  Little joke there.  Seriously, earth creatures, it is my sincere wish that we can become closer and “bond”.  By writing this bio, I am in effect saying, “You and I are symbiotes”.  In this way, we empathize with each other and become “one” - in a binary sense, of course, because intellectually you’re really more like bugs to me than equals.  Still, I love you much as I would love a pet iguana (if I had one) and I hope you are pleased by this.

Yes, yes, yes, I know what you are thinking.  How did I, this pillar of talent that I am, become involved with the “Stinking Fish Band” (aka Salmon Dave)?  Well, after forming the Eagles, I decided to quit because Don Henley was, as you humans say, “getting on my ganglia’s”.  He just wouldn’t shut up about that poet “Wadsworth” or “Thoreau” or whoever it was.   

Therefore, I drifted (not in space, of course) and eventually ended up in Wenatchee.  After all, if I couldn’t fit in with this bunch of weirdoes, where could I?  I met Joe, another perfectly normal humanoid alien of this planet who claimed it was he and not me who had formed the Eagles.  Well, this alias of his would not do.  Nevertheless, we both needed aliases, as most famous aliens, I mean celebrities, do.  So, we reached an agreement: Joe would be an original member of the Eagles, and I would be the “Queen of Soul” while Aretha went on her trip to Uranus (I mean Bermuda).  Anyway, many of us famous celebrities like to travel incognito.  Helps us avoid those “Men in Black”.  I mean, who do you think Elvis really was, anyway?  Could anyone that talented really be human?  

Now that we have bonded, you no doubt wish to know my true appearance.  Here is a close facsimile of me sans makeup from when I was but two months from the Petri dish (told you I wasn’t hatched).  Yes, yes, how beautiful my eyes are, don’t you think?  All the better to see you with as I strum my chords for you. 

Hi Mom....hey